| 1 | His wife Jennifer told him the child was conceived whilst watching a porn movie in 3D. | |
| 2 | Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. | |
| 3 | And he cometh, and findeth them sleeping, and saith unto Peter, Simon, sleepest thou? couldest not thou watch one hour? | |
| 4 | And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour? | |
| 5 | Emergency room doctors diagnosed a stomach flu, but a week later the child' s pediatrician took an X-ray and saw what he thought was a quarter. |
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