So, in fact, you might want to marry John because he reminds you of your father or because you want to get back at somebody for betraying you.

But what we should actually do is also not clear to us.

He drew her attention to that fact.

No doubt he means to help, but in fact he just get in the way.

There is also an asymmetry here: you know who I am; in fact some people on these threads seem to know more about me than I do. But I have no idea who I am arguing with.